The Crue Vs. The Scorps

A Concert Review by Edgar Spudd

Every trailer in Mills was empty tonight as the Scorpions and Motley Crue brought their oldies show to the Casper Events Center. This is a tweekers dream team. And the tweekers were out in force. Along with every man, woman and child in Casper who had a bad haircut, a pair of ripped jeans, and a cap. Preferably one that advertised Harley Davidson.

I only saw the last two Scorpions songs and the first two Motley Crue songs. This was allow me to be as scientific as possible in my evaluation and to avoid letting the emotion of the moment cloud my objectivity.

The first Scorpions song I heard was one of those generic ballads the band has been spitting out for twenty-five years. Boring. The second was "Rock You Like A Hurricane." What can you say about a song called "Rock You Like A Hurricane?" It could only have been written by Germans with no grasp of the English language and therefore sucks. (I interviewed the lead singer for the Scorpions about ten years ago. And while I admit to being extremely intoxicated at the time, the guy didn't answer any of my questions right. When asked what his favorite flavor of Kool-Aid was, he answered "Yes, we love America very much." True story, and I have the notes to prove it.) The explosions at the end of the song were most excellent though.

So on to the Crue. I had been dreading this moment for most of my adult life. I could always hold my head high knowing I had never, ever, seen Motley Crue. But I knew at some point in my career as a professional rock journalist, I would be forced by some evil editor to see one of the worst bands in all of rock and roll. The Crue did not disappoint. Song one was "Shout at The Devil." This is early Motley Crue, when they were trying to be evil. (Made all the more sad when one remembers that at that time all the band members were wearing more makeup than a Hollywood hooker.) Song two was "Girls Girls Girls" a tune that is played at least twenty times a night at every strip bar in the world and therefore sucks. (It's true, I even heard it once at Madame Thuey's Best Girls Go-Go Club in Bangkok and it even sucked there.) The explosions at the end of the song were most excellent though.

So who won this battle of the bands? Easy. Anyone who did not pay $35 to see it. Who lost? All of us, if the Events Center were to blow up. Everyone at the show would be killed, and every auto mechanics shop, beauty parlor, and fast food joint in the county would be closed due to lack of employees.