CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE

home > megalopolis > issue 11 > megalopoli envy  

 

I wrote to my friend "Bo" and told him about the time that my brother tucker sang "my hairy legs" to the tune of oh christmas tree. This is his response.

—platy prods


> Subj: Regarding:Retarding
> Date: 96-09-25 11:54:27 EDT
> From: Aaron "Bo" Magnie
> To: Megalopolis

Dear Django "Djangoff" Bohren,

Thanks for the postcard. That was pretty cool. Tell Tucker that Bo says he might as well stimie his delusions of puberty for another six or seven years, because no matter how many traditional American folk songs (and goddam good ones at that, goddammit) he lewdly altercates to have indecent themes, he ain't gettin' the fuzz any earlier than our great lovely beardy father, the lord up thar in them thar clouds and atmospheric surroundings and suhforth says it's goddam time, goddammit!

That house sounds pretty cool, and I want to come up and visit sometime, probably during some school- and state- and church-sanctioned holiday such as Thanksgiving or Christmas (did you know that in Spanish, the word "mas" means "more," so the word Christ-mas actually means God-more? I guess that's why everybody buys all them goddam nativity scenes and suchlike and henceforth around God-more, goddammit).

As I'm sure you have surmised, this correspondence has a decidedly anti-Christian theme, the reason being that some bastard Mormon came up to me today and told me that I was going to hell unless I underwent the process of conversion immediately, thereby remitting all my sins to the illustrious and vast sin collection of Christ. I told him that I'd already converted my rice and that was enough convertin' fo' me, goddammit (I didn't actually say that to him. What I really said was "leave me alone," but wouldn't that have been pretty damn witty if I had said that rice bit? hehehe).

"Bo"