Paddy's Car

by Paddy

Last night I had to spend in a rather unpleasant area of Dublin for some rather unpleasant business. Anyway, every cloud has a silver lining, I thought what a great opportunity to have my car stolen. It's insured for six hundred pounds and can't be sold for six pounds! So I stopped off at home and took all my many valuable possessions out of the car, (yes, the stereo AND the tapes). I left the half can of petrol in the boot and the matches on the dash board. I parked on a badly lit street (they're all badly lit around this area), out of view of any security cameras and left the steering lock off. How easy can I make this? I decided to lock the doors, (which can be opened with a blunt spoon anyway), just to ensure that I got a car thief and not some drunk looking for a place to have a shite. Then I went about my unpleasant business.

The next morning, before I leave, I ask did they see my car outside? They say no. My heart leaps with joy. On my way out, I skip gleefully along the corridor wondering which police station to report the dreadful crime. I get outside, and there it is, exactly where I left it. My heart sinks. Oh well there'll be other opportunities. As I get to the door I notice rubbish and debris on the drivers side of the floor as well as the back and the passengers side, where it normally resides. As I open the door I notice the ignition is more ripped up than it was before. As I get in I can clearly see someone and been in the car, tried to steal it, failed, and spent some time rummaging through the assorted rubbish that accumulates in every car frequently occupied by a lazy father and an eight year old. I see the passenger door is unlocked and had been forced open. All that trouble and they couldn't steal the feckin thing. What kind of criminals is this country rearing these days. Any self respecting fourteen year old should have being in and away with the car in less than a minute.

Of course there's always the possibility they did steal it and left it back!

Anyway, I fixed my ignition and drove to work, defeated. Next time maybe I'll leave them instructions, or better still, the key. I blame the education system. We're keeping kids in school for far too long. They should be out getting in trouble, or at the very least, learning how to get in trouble. They're a very poor example of inner city delinquents.

Well, that's it. Sorry for rambling on, but I was outraged, youngsters these days.