January 26, 1995 Web Exclusive


by Stork Boy, Tepid Coffee

With extensive research involving numerous hypotheses, which we experimented on for months, the Mayo Mecca Conglomerate has broken down the entire human personality into this hierarchic structure of moods. Please note: they only apply to people like us, and we're fairly messed up.

#1: The best mood to be in is when you feel really mellow. Achieve this by any means possible, for it is difficult, and we don't fully understand its powers yet.

#2: Everything is really cool. I experienced this particular mood when I got my wisdom teeth out, and was stoned on painkillers. I'm searching for a way to achieve this without the use of drugs.

#3 Everything is cool, but would be a lot cooler if flying. No explanation necessary. You take what you can get.

#4: I call this the Pink Floyd mood. When in this state of mind, just say, "I don't care, man." Try it, it's fun.

#5 Neutral. No feelings toward anything. You just recognize a basic existence.

#6 Everything is simply stupid. It's not a good mood to experience, however it is unavoidable.

#7 I discovered this state of mind due to recent events. It is when every Nine Inch Nails lyric seems to be perfect for how you feel, if not too mild.

So now you have a little more insight into the human mind. Please remember, each of these are specific states of mind. There are an infinite number of moods between and beyond them. But these are good for categorizing how you feel. Enjoy!

Compiled: Stork Boy
Tepid Coffee

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